I am homesick

I am homesick. Though I don't know which home I yearn for. For a moment, I feel like a small child, and only want to feel the touch of my mothers arms, the warmth of her chest, the smell of her aged skin, and the feel of of the bond that only lies between a child and her mother. I want to feel as if the umbilical cord was never cut. I want to crinkle back up into her belly and feel protected by her.
On the other hand, I am afflicted by the feeling of wanting to be that trouble making kid again. I want to be so innocent, or at least claim to be. I want run barefoot on the pavement until my feet turn black. I want to steal 99 cent apple pies from the day old bakery along with other expired candies, and split them with my friends. We all thought we were so bad ass, dying our hair 'auburn' and listening to dirty rap songs.... oh to be young and oblivious again.
Then there are the days, not too long ago. When I first embarked on this journey of my own. The days when I was too young to know any better but too young to care. The days when I was newly 18 and having a beer was a big deal. The days when I was awkward with my body, my mind, my sexuality. The days when I thought that anything over 21 was old and that time had no hold on my young body.
Fast forward about four years, and you find the time when I really found out who I was and who I wasn't. When I discovered the power of my presence. The influence of my logic, and the weakness of my heart. I miss knowing it all, and at the same time being completely unaware that there was a whole different side to myself that I never knew.
Now, at this moment, I guess I miss a culmination of all of that. Which could all be summed up into my life last summer. I was free, I was in transition. My eyes were open, my heart was broken. I was strong, I was on the edge of something big, something new.
I guess being here for almost a year, my heart and mind have once again curious and this homesickness has made me realize, its time to shake things up, and get ready for the next big leap.