Well, here it is again, the end of another year. Time to roll out the 'best of' lists, watch highlights of the biggest news stories that broke, and watch sappy montages of those celebrities that passed away, and scratch our heads and wonder, "when did Bernie Mac die"?. Yes, its that time of year again. For most of us, the end of another 365 day cycle marks the time where we actually sit back and reflect on our lives, as opposed to the other times of the year where we simply let our lives pile up into heaps of events and moments to rummage through right before that big ball drops at midnight. Personally, this year in review tends to be a time where I get overly sappy, sentimental, and analytical. Past December 31St's I would spend the remaining hours of the day looking back at the past 12 months dissecting the good, the bad, and the hilarious moments of my life. For some reason, and this may be due to my cynical nature, I would always walk away from the year with an incomplete feeling. The feeling that I could have done more. The feeling that with as much time that has passed, I could have grown more, or discovered something new about myself. You know, its all of the 'would have' and 'could have' talk that we do when we eulogize the end of a year. But today is different. My time of reflection is not full of all of those self loathing thoughts. Instead, the end of 2008 makes me feel, well as the title of this blog says, fine.
2008 was one of those years that I wont have to sift through the corners of my mind to find the memories that made it so great or even the memories that made it so shitty. Refer to any moment of the year, and I could probably tell you exactly where I was, what shirt I was wearing and maybe even what color my hair was when something happened. Whether it was by a song or a season, there were triggers all over the place that could map my mind to any memory throughout the year. The monumental ups and downs and even the less notable events of 2008 finally helped me to realize that just because another year has passed, it does not mean that I am somehow behind in this race of our lives that I have always felt like everyone was smoking me in. This was the year that I realized to say fuck it to just about everything. So what if I'm not on the same track as every other girl in Hesperia from the class of 2002. Living my life does not mean comparing it to those around me and those who I hear about every time I take a trip back to the desert. No, living life means just that, living. There's no rulebook for me to follow, nor is there a checklist of milestones I should be crossing off, and there are certainly no deadlines for the shit I should be accomplishing. My life is pretty damn awesome just the way it is. Who cares if I am more interested in spending my money on visiting developing countries, rather than investing in a 401k. What does it matter if I find nothing wrong with selling my plasma fluids for grocery money twice a week? And for the record, being 24 and single does not mean that I am doomed to be an old hag, shit you know what they say, 'the older the berry, the sweeter the juice!' I now feel that what the conclusion of another year really boils down to is that from January through December, with every day, week, or month that goes, I will be just dandy with the time that has passed and the person that I have become. Whether I am able to finally be more open and intimate, or if I simply add another 5 pounds to my ass, whatever the changes I undergo over the course of a year are fine by me. I figure that as long as I have done the things that I wanted to, whether they be impulsive or well thought out, loved the people I love to the fullest, and not commit scandalous deeds that I will wind up as a guest on Maury for, I will be content with myself regardless of what the date on the calendar says. So even though 2008 was one hell of a year, I think I'll bid it farewell with just a smile and wave goodbye instead of the usual nail in the coffin.
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